For a girl like me, having a crush will lead me to a
disaster. Breaking my heart into pieces because it will just ended up as
one-side love. All the guys that I've ever loved would put a distance from me
when they found out that I've feeling for them even before we close enough to
know each other well.
So my love for them stopped as fast as it came.
"Maybe I'm just an ugly girl, both inside and outside.
So that's way I don't deserve to be loved." That's what I can think
whenever my heart broken into pieces again and again. Yup! No one willing to
love me as a woman.
But then you came into my life ..
We were just strangers who trapped in a place without
really wanted to know each other before.
So when does this feeling started?
Never ask me that question since I don't know the answer.
All I remember is I want to see him again and again until I
have this couple chances to know him better.
And this feeling just come slowly until I don't have the
power to control and handle it. A feeling to give him all I have while I'm
still able to feel his presence around me.
But those feeling about being rejected come along with those
love for him. Afraid that our story will end up the same like my pathetic love
life before.
And when I started to lost into my own fear about losing
him,
He comes, reach his hand towards me, and pull me out from
the darkness I created.
He takes care of me so much, he brings me laughter in my
daily life, he knock my door to show me that he's still here with me whenever
those fear take control over me again.
Do you know what makes me fall in love with him over and
over again?
Because he let me to be myself whenever I'm around him.
Because he let me to show him my fear, my happiness, my
love, my anger, my worry, my sorrow, my bad and good side without any intention
to leave my side. At least, not yet.
he gives me comfort and protection that I always need.
He shows me how does it feel to be loved.
But do you know the funny thing?
He doesn't know yet that I'm in love with him
And I don't know either whether he already has someone in
his side or not.
Yes,
He might be run away and reject me like the other guys when
sooner or later he find out that I'm in love with him
He might say to me that he already has someone that he loves
waiting for him in his home
And I might end up broken into pieces. It will be hurtful, more than before because I'm deeply in love with him.
But you should also know that I'm a different person right
now,
That because of him I'm getting stronger
Because of him, now I have the courage to handle my fear and
keep loving him even if I have the familiar love story in the future.
Because he shows me that he is worth to fight for.
Because he bring me something that I've never been able to
feel before .... he shows me how does it feel to be loved.
So I will fight for him, for my love
I want to love of him until in the time when my heart says
that I really need to stop.
