Being Loved by You

 

For a girl like me, having a crush will lead me to a disaster. Breaking my heart into pieces because it will just ended up as one-side love. All the guys that I've ever loved would put a distance from me when they found out that I've feeling for them even before we close enough to know each other well.

So my love for them stopped as fast as it came.

"Maybe I'm just an ugly girl, both inside and outside. So that's way I don't deserve to be loved." That's what I can think whenever my heart broken into pieces again and again. Yup! No one willing to love me as a woman.

But then you came into my life ..

We were just strangers who trapped in a place without really wanted to know each other before.

So when does this feeling started?

Never ask me that question since I don't know the answer.

All I remember is I want to see him again and again until I have this couple chances to know him better.

And this feeling just come slowly until I don't have the power to control and handle it. A feeling to give him all I have while I'm still able to feel his presence around me.

But those feeling about being rejected come along with those love for him. Afraid that our story will end up the same like my pathetic love life before.

And when I started to lost into my own fear about losing him,

He comes, reach his hand towards me, and pull me out from the darkness I created.

He takes care of me so much, he brings me laughter in my daily life, he knock my door to show me that he's still here with me whenever those fear take control over me again.

Do you know what makes me fall in love with him over and over again?

Because he let me to be myself whenever I'm around him.

Because he let me to show him my fear, my happiness, my love, my anger, my worry, my sorrow, my bad and good side without any intention to leave my side. At least, not yet.

he gives me comfort and protection that I always need.

He shows me how does it feel to be loved.

But do you know the funny thing?

He doesn't know yet that I'm in love with him

And I don't know either whether he already has someone in his side or not.

Yes,

He might be run away and reject me like the other guys when sooner or later he find out that I'm in love with him

He might say to me that he already has someone that he loves waiting for him in his home

And I might end up broken into pieces. It will be hurtful, more than before because I'm deeply in love with him.

But you should also know that I'm a different person right now,

That because of him I'm getting stronger

Because of him, now I have the courage to handle my fear and keep loving him even if I have the familiar love story in the future.

Because he shows me that he is worth to fight for.

Because he bring me something that I've never been able to feel before .... he shows me how does it feel to be loved.

So I will fight for him, for my love

I want to love of him until in the time when my heart says that I really need to stop.

A Girl With Her Wings

Backsound:

 

This is a story about a little girl

Who is about to spread her wings widely

Namun saat sayapnya akan membentang sempurna,

Burung-burung gagak mencabuti bulu-bulu sayap gadis itu dengan paksa

Gagak-gagak itu berbulu hitam kelam dengan tatapan mengejek yang mengintimidasi

Para gagak tertawa terbahak menikmati mangsa di depannya

Sambil mencabuti bulut putih sang gadis, mereka berkata ..

Sambil terbahak mereka berkata bahwa seorang gadis jelek tidak pantas memiliki sayap

“Gadis jelek sepertimu bahkan tidak pantas untuk berdiri di tempat ini,” Kata mereka merendahkan.

Sang gadis hanya bisa menunduk tanpa bisa melawan

Ia hanya merasakan sakit dalam diam

Ia hanya mampu berteriak bisu di tengah ejekan dan tawa para gagak

Tangisan bahkan tak bisa membantunya

Mulutnya terdiam membisu tanpa kata yang terucap dari bibirnya

Kepalanya tertunduk dalam saat ia berjalan

Para gagak terus merendahkannya hingga bulu sayapnya habis sama sekali

Hingga sang gadis menggigil kedinginan di tengah ketakutan dan kesendiriannya

Tidak ada satu orang pun yang rela menyelamatkannya

Dia bahkan tidak berani menatap siapapun di tengah kesendiriannya

Tiga tahun ..

Tiga tahun lamanya gadis itu menunggu hingga para gagak merasa puas dan pergi meninggalkannya

Tiga tahun hingga sang gadis percaya bahwa dia hanya seonggok makhluk buruk rupa

Cermin dan kamera pun menjadi musuh sejatinya

Bertahun-tahun sesudahnya gadis itu mencoba berteman dengan sang cermin dan sang kamera

Dengan wajah buruk rupanya, sang gadis mencoba pulih dan bangkit

Memunguti bulu-bulunya yang telah berterbangan

Dengan menjahit bulu-bulu itu satu persatu kembali ke sayapnya, sang gadis memperdayai diri dan cermin yang selalu dia pandangi

Bahwa kecantikan masih dimilikinya,

Kecantikan itu masih tersisa di dalam otaknya, meskipun tidak di fisiknya

Tidak mudah baginya untuk menjahit kembali bulu-bulunya

Ketakutan selalu menghantuinya

Tidak jarang pula dia melukai orang di sekelilingnya untuk menjaga dirinya sendiri agar tidak lagi terluka

Apakah kamu tidak penasaran apa yang dilakukan gadis itu saat ini?

Dengan segala ketakutan yang selalu membayanginya

Dengan masa lalu yang akan terus menghantuinya

Sayapnya kini mulai pulih

Bentangan sayapnya mulai melebar, meskipun sayapnya tidak pernah seindah awalnya

Meskipun dirinya sudah tidak semurni dahulu

Meskipun akan ada luka yang terus menganga dan tidak mampu sembuh

Gadis itu perlahan-lahan terbang mencapai mimpinya sendiri

Mimpi yang membuatnya berdarah dan melumuri tangannya dengan darah orang lain

Meskipun dia masih tidak tahu jalan mana yang dia tempuh

Tapi dia akan terus terbang

Meskipun ketakutan tak akan hilang dari badannya

Tapi dia tidak memiliki pilihan lain untuk tetap terbang

Karena dia sudah berjalan terlalu jauh, dan dia tidak mampu kembali ke tempatnya semula

Love and Passion

Source : http://www.freepik.com

Hi Guys, it’s been a while since I share my thoughts and feelings here. Been busy around and just maybe lazy to think and write something. But here I am again. Glad to be able to come back and push my brain again. Actually I write this post because I just read one of my value best friend’s thoughts about fall in love in her eyes and she’s inspire me in some way to also write about my thoughts about people called “Love”. Well you can see her post on https://nadhirulmaghfiroh.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/fall-in-love/ .  I personally think that she write a great post, I love how brave she is to write and express her opinions boldly and well she always inspire me somehow. I admire her in person and I believe that she'll be a great person in the future ;)

Well people always think that I’m a melodramatic person from many aspects in my whole life. The books that I read, the movies and dramas that I watched, the status that I wrote in my social medias, and the conversation that I often to talk with my friends clearly lead me to a romance person. I won’t deny it since that’s a thousand percent correct and I sincerely love the way I am.

I maybe talked about how many times I fell in love with various guys and how many times I wonder about how does it feels to have a guy that loved me back since I’m not having these kind of guy yet in my life. Many people see me as a desperate girl in that area, in my romance life. But actually I also realize that for me, love is not all about woman-man relationship. I also always think that love is everything that you want to do and makes your heart beat faster when you feel or do it. I do fall in love with many guys but I also fall in love thousand times with my lifestyle, with everything that I currently doing and did. The truth is many people seem see that I’m falling in love with my professional life more than my own romance life. Many people see me as a passionate person if I already do something that I love.

For me falling in love is a good thing because it’s something that you feel passionate about and want to do a hundred percent on it. I actually love the thrill when I tried something beyond my imagination to achieve my dream. I love the thrill and the way my heart beat faster when I’m waiting for the result of something that I’m already do with all passion that I might have. Even if it’s ended with a failure but at least I enjoyed the thrill and I know that I already did my best. Then I push myself harder to move forward and try again.

Again, you should know that whenever you’re in love then you must make sacrifice in some areas. Well in my case, when I’m falling in love with the work that I do or the dream that I’m working for then I instantly putting aside my own romance life. It does makes me desperate about the needed of romance and a need to be loved by a guy , but I without much realizing it, I also know that it’s something that I’ve to sacrifice for the sake of the things that I loved or prioritize more in my life at the time being.

It just depended on every people about the things that they fall in love with. Some people love with their work, some people love with their religion, some people love with their romance life, some people love with their families, some people love with their pets, some people in love with politics, and so on. Well you can also fall in love with not only one thing in your life. It’s your freedom to choose and live with it.

And I think it’s good when you’re in state of falling in love since when you’re in this state, you’ll put you concentrate, your passion, your willingness, your commitment, and your one hundred percent on it. But again, I think you should realize that your live isn’t all about the areas that you’re fall in love with. There are some other aspects that I also important for you. So balance it and don’t make yourself blind with everything that you’re falling in love with.

I won't say that I'm already success to balance my life. Well I've to admit that it's hard to balance my professional and personal life. But at least I try to aim those balance life. In the end, Happy Saturday :)

Peran dan Kebahagiaan

Senang rasanya saat kau berada di sekeliling orang yang mencintaimu,
Senang rasanya saat kau masih memiliki tempat untuk berbagi,
Senang rasanya saat kau tidak perlu berpura-pura menjadi orang lain hanya untuk diterima oleh lingkunganmu,
Senang rasanya saat kau tahu bahwa kau masih memiliki peran di dunia ini,
Senang rasanya saat kau tahu kau masih bisa membantu orang lain dengan kemampuanmu,

Ya! Setiap orang memang diciptakan di dunia untuk memiliki perannya masing-masing.
Namun sebagai manusia kita diberi pilihan untuk memililih peran seperti apakah yang kau inginkan, peran yang baik atau yang buruk?
Tentu saja definisi baik dan buruk itu berbeda-beda setiap manusia tergantung bagaimana pengalaman dan pengetahuan membentuk definisi tersebut di benak masing-masing orang.
Namun bagi kebanyakan manusia masih tersesat dan bingung dalam menemukan perannya di dunia ini.
Menemukan peran yang pas dan tepat memang bukanlah pekerjaan yang mudah meskipun sebenarnya mudah saja mengetahui apakah kau sudah berada di posisi yang tepat atau belum, yaitu apakah kau merasa bahagia atau tidak dengan apa yang sedang kau kerjakan.
Dan setiap manusia memiliki waktu yang berbeda-beda untuk menemukan peran tersebut.
Sekarang pertanyaannya adalah apakah kau sudah menemukan peranmu di dunia ini?
Jawabanya ... Hanya kau yang tahu. Tanyakanlah kepada dirimu sendiri :-)

Bagiku menemukan peran yang tepat sama dengan kebahagiaan. Jadi aku berharap kalian menemukan kebahagiaan yang kalian cari.