Good Bye 2015!

So Hi!
It's still 9: 29 pm on January 1, 2016 when I start writing this so it's still new year, right?

I'm sleepy, finally I feel sleepy in this hour. Since I arrived at Korea, most of the time I can't sleep before it's 2 or 3 am and it's so annoying!
But I decided to write on my blog about what I thought on the previous year 2015.

I'm actually not the type who has a good memories or remembering how the feeling of  some particular events in my life if it's already happened for quiet a long time. Well, long time for me means more than 4 months. I know it's quiet short but I do really have a bad memories.

For me 2015 is a beyond imagination year!
It isn't a plain year like some previous years in my life.
In this year I've been through a lot of things.

At the first time of my life, I decided to try a new challenge to be a leader of a music event. I know I'm an amateur who know nothing on organizing a music event before but the reason to took that challenge is because I want to be a music promoter or become a Korean Entertainment Agency's staff in the future so it would become a great experience for me to learn about the environment in this field. I was also taking a big step at that time since that was also the first time for me to finally had the courage to take the leader role on big event or occasion.

But then those became a big lesson in my life. Well, a big lesson won't come easily. It means that there are hurtful, rough, and hard path that I've been through in order to get the lesson. In this experience I was learning to face a failure and my biggest failure is not able to manage the risk well and fail to put us together in one vision so everything become a mess. At this time I didn't know what decision that I had to make it everything's right so I decided to step down from my position as a team leader.
Those decision was not an easy thing to make because I know that I can lost my credibility and be judged as irresponsible person for a long time but at that time time what I could think was if I keep my ego and keep being a leader then I will ruin this team deeper.

These failure may be the worst failure I’ve ever had but then I know that it isn’t a bad choice for the team and myself because from the new team leader, I able to learn more about leadership and how to handle people also facing the problems. And then from this experience I believe that failure is not there to destroying me but to develop me more in the future. That’s why I’m not embarrassed to tell this story to people. From the past experience, I realize that I eagerly want to expand my limit from many and various people also experiences in order to become a successful and global leader.


Then I tried to apply one of the exchange scholarship program that I've been waiting for about 3 years. This scholarship means a lot for me since it's been a long time that I want to go abroad, do exchange, become a better person for myself and people around me, and also go to South Korea. While completing the application I put a mindset in my mind that it would be the last chance for me to go abroad, get scholarship, and do exchange program since I'm already in my last year of college so if I couldn't get this scholarship then I've to focus on my internship report and thesis.
At this time I didn't even dare to tell to many people even my best friends that I'm applying this program since I'm afraid that if I tell to many people and I failed, I'll be feel ashamed and stress.

And a miracle happen to me! I became one of the awardees in this program which is FAFL 2015/2016 (Fostering ASEAN Future Leaders Programme 2015/2016). I couldn't even believe myself that I worth to receive this scholarship. But then I still didn't dare tell this good news to many people even my best friends because I was facing hard times when completing the documents and the visa application. I was fighting with the time. Every preparation was so thrilling so I thought that I'll tell my best friends when everything is fix and clear.
But then I feel so sorry since I was able to do that,telling the good news to my best friends, when I already on my way to the airport so they didn't have the chance to meet me before I was going to South Korea.

A lot of 'first time happening in my life' happened while doing this program. It the first time for me to experience the magic of mountain and truly see also experience it by myself the word "People will show their true self in mountain". I hiked! I truly I did and had a bravery to climb a mountain. And I wouldn't able to climb without all the help from my ASEAN friends. Trust me my ASEAN friends are amazing people in one place!

I'm still doing this exchange program until now. What I can say about this program is I learn a lot to be grateful every second and be mature as a woman. There are always miracles in my daily and everyday life while doing this program and also there are a lot of challenges whether it's in my personal or professional life that makes me always have to learn to be a mature woman.

Hans Christian Andersen once saying, "To Travel is to Live" is really true.
When you do really travel, everything is just different from what you always heard. The spiritual experiences aren't able to be described in the words. While traveling you'll know how to be truly appreciate every moment, every second in your life

So good bye 2015!
A wonderful and beyond imagination year in my life!

I leave this year with true smile since I know that I've done all my best in my personal and professional life even in my love life!
So I leave this year with no regrets!


And in case you're curious with what is my resolution in this leap year then I'll boldly saying:

I WANT TO ALWAYS BE LOVED!






Cheers!


Vivin Septiani J a.k.a your beloved Bibin

Being Loved by You

 

For a girl like me, having a crush will lead me to a disaster. Breaking my heart into pieces because it will just ended up as one-side love. All the guys that I've ever loved would put a distance from me when they found out that I've feeling for them even before we close enough to know each other well.

So my love for them stopped as fast as it came.

"Maybe I'm just an ugly girl, both inside and outside. So that's way I don't deserve to be loved." That's what I can think whenever my heart broken into pieces again and again. Yup! No one willing to love me as a woman.

But then you came into my life ..

We were just strangers who trapped in a place without really wanted to know each other before.

So when does this feeling started?

Never ask me that question since I don't know the answer.

All I remember is I want to see him again and again until I have this couple chances to know him better.

And this feeling just come slowly until I don't have the power to control and handle it. A feeling to give him all I have while I'm still able to feel his presence around me.

But those feeling about being rejected come along with those love for him. Afraid that our story will end up the same like my pathetic love life before.

And when I started to lost into my own fear about losing him,

He comes, reach his hand towards me, and pull me out from the darkness I created.

He takes care of me so much, he brings me laughter in my daily life, he knock my door to show me that he's still here with me whenever those fear take control over me again.

Do you know what makes me fall in love with him over and over again?

Because he let me to be myself whenever I'm around him.

Because he let me to show him my fear, my happiness, my love, my anger, my worry, my sorrow, my bad and good side without any intention to leave my side. At least, not yet.

he gives me comfort and protection that I always need.

He shows me how does it feel to be loved.

But do you know the funny thing?

He doesn't know yet that I'm in love with him

And I don't know either whether he already has someone in his side or not.

Yes,

He might be run away and reject me like the other guys when sooner or later he find out that I'm in love with him

He might say to me that he already has someone that he loves waiting for him in his home

And I might end up broken into pieces. It will be hurtful, more than before because I'm deeply in love with him.

But you should also know that I'm a different person right now,

That because of him I'm getting stronger

Because of him, now I have the courage to handle my fear and keep loving him even if I have the familiar love story in the future.

Because he shows me that he is worth to fight for.

Because he bring me something that I've never been able to feel before .... he shows me how does it feel to be loved.

So I will fight for him, for my love

I want to love of him until in the time when my heart says that I really need to stop.

A Girl With Her Wings

Backsound:

 

This is a story about a little girl

Who is about to spread her wings widely

Namun saat sayapnya akan membentang sempurna,

Burung-burung gagak mencabuti bulu-bulu sayap gadis itu dengan paksa

Gagak-gagak itu berbulu hitam kelam dengan tatapan mengejek yang mengintimidasi

Para gagak tertawa terbahak menikmati mangsa di depannya

Sambil mencabuti bulut putih sang gadis, mereka berkata ..

Sambil terbahak mereka berkata bahwa seorang gadis jelek tidak pantas memiliki sayap

“Gadis jelek sepertimu bahkan tidak pantas untuk berdiri di tempat ini,” Kata mereka merendahkan.

Sang gadis hanya bisa menunduk tanpa bisa melawan

Ia hanya merasakan sakit dalam diam

Ia hanya mampu berteriak bisu di tengah ejekan dan tawa para gagak

Tangisan bahkan tak bisa membantunya

Mulutnya terdiam membisu tanpa kata yang terucap dari bibirnya

Kepalanya tertunduk dalam saat ia berjalan

Para gagak terus merendahkannya hingga bulu sayapnya habis sama sekali

Hingga sang gadis menggigil kedinginan di tengah ketakutan dan kesendiriannya

Tidak ada satu orang pun yang rela menyelamatkannya

Dia bahkan tidak berani menatap siapapun di tengah kesendiriannya

Tiga tahun ..

Tiga tahun lamanya gadis itu menunggu hingga para gagak merasa puas dan pergi meninggalkannya

Tiga tahun hingga sang gadis percaya bahwa dia hanya seonggok makhluk buruk rupa

Cermin dan kamera pun menjadi musuh sejatinya

Bertahun-tahun sesudahnya gadis itu mencoba berteman dengan sang cermin dan sang kamera

Dengan wajah buruk rupanya, sang gadis mencoba pulih dan bangkit

Memunguti bulu-bulunya yang telah berterbangan

Dengan menjahit bulu-bulu itu satu persatu kembali ke sayapnya, sang gadis memperdayai diri dan cermin yang selalu dia pandangi

Bahwa kecantikan masih dimilikinya,

Kecantikan itu masih tersisa di dalam otaknya, meskipun tidak di fisiknya

Tidak mudah baginya untuk menjahit kembali bulu-bulunya

Ketakutan selalu menghantuinya

Tidak jarang pula dia melukai orang di sekelilingnya untuk menjaga dirinya sendiri agar tidak lagi terluka

Apakah kamu tidak penasaran apa yang dilakukan gadis itu saat ini?

Dengan segala ketakutan yang selalu membayanginya

Dengan masa lalu yang akan terus menghantuinya

Sayapnya kini mulai pulih

Bentangan sayapnya mulai melebar, meskipun sayapnya tidak pernah seindah awalnya

Meskipun dirinya sudah tidak semurni dahulu

Meskipun akan ada luka yang terus menganga dan tidak mampu sembuh

Gadis itu perlahan-lahan terbang mencapai mimpinya sendiri

Mimpi yang membuatnya berdarah dan melumuri tangannya dengan darah orang lain

Meskipun dia masih tidak tahu jalan mana yang dia tempuh

Tapi dia akan terus terbang

Meskipun ketakutan tak akan hilang dari badannya

Tapi dia tidak memiliki pilihan lain untuk tetap terbang

Karena dia sudah berjalan terlalu jauh, dan dia tidak mampu kembali ke tempatnya semula

Love and Passion

Source : http://www.freepik.com

Hi Guys, it’s been a while since I share my thoughts and feelings here. Been busy around and just maybe lazy to think and write something. But here I am again. Glad to be able to come back and push my brain again. Actually I write this post because I just read one of my value best friend’s thoughts about fall in love in her eyes and she’s inspire me in some way to also write about my thoughts about people called “Love”. Well you can see her post on https://nadhirulmaghfiroh.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/fall-in-love/ .  I personally think that she write a great post, I love how brave she is to write and express her opinions boldly and well she always inspire me somehow. I admire her in person and I believe that she'll be a great person in the future ;)

Well people always think that I’m a melodramatic person from many aspects in my whole life. The books that I read, the movies and dramas that I watched, the status that I wrote in my social medias, and the conversation that I often to talk with my friends clearly lead me to a romance person. I won’t deny it since that’s a thousand percent correct and I sincerely love the way I am.

I maybe talked about how many times I fell in love with various guys and how many times I wonder about how does it feels to have a guy that loved me back since I’m not having these kind of guy yet in my life. Many people see me as a desperate girl in that area, in my romance life. But actually I also realize that for me, love is not all about woman-man relationship. I also always think that love is everything that you want to do and makes your heart beat faster when you feel or do it. I do fall in love with many guys but I also fall in love thousand times with my lifestyle, with everything that I currently doing and did. The truth is many people seem see that I’m falling in love with my professional life more than my own romance life. Many people see me as a passionate person if I already do something that I love.

For me falling in love is a good thing because it’s something that you feel passionate about and want to do a hundred percent on it. I actually love the thrill when I tried something beyond my imagination to achieve my dream. I love the thrill and the way my heart beat faster when I’m waiting for the result of something that I’m already do with all passion that I might have. Even if it’s ended with a failure but at least I enjoyed the thrill and I know that I already did my best. Then I push myself harder to move forward and try again.

Again, you should know that whenever you’re in love then you must make sacrifice in some areas. Well in my case, when I’m falling in love with the work that I do or the dream that I’m working for then I instantly putting aside my own romance life. It does makes me desperate about the needed of romance and a need to be loved by a guy , but I without much realizing it, I also know that it’s something that I’ve to sacrifice for the sake of the things that I loved or prioritize more in my life at the time being.

It just depended on every people about the things that they fall in love with. Some people love with their work, some people love with their religion, some people love with their romance life, some people love with their families, some people love with their pets, some people in love with politics, and so on. Well you can also fall in love with not only one thing in your life. It’s your freedom to choose and live with it.

And I think it’s good when you’re in state of falling in love since when you’re in this state, you’ll put you concentrate, your passion, your willingness, your commitment, and your one hundred percent on it. But again, I think you should realize that your live isn’t all about the areas that you’re fall in love with. There are some other aspects that I also important for you. So balance it and don’t make yourself blind with everything that you’re falling in love with.

I won't say that I'm already success to balance my life. Well I've to admit that it's hard to balance my professional and personal life. But at least I try to aim those balance life. In the end, Happy Saturday :)

Peran dan Kebahagiaan

Senang rasanya saat kau berada di sekeliling orang yang mencintaimu,
Senang rasanya saat kau masih memiliki tempat untuk berbagi,
Senang rasanya saat kau tidak perlu berpura-pura menjadi orang lain hanya untuk diterima oleh lingkunganmu,
Senang rasanya saat kau tahu bahwa kau masih memiliki peran di dunia ini,
Senang rasanya saat kau tahu kau masih bisa membantu orang lain dengan kemampuanmu,

Ya! Setiap orang memang diciptakan di dunia untuk memiliki perannya masing-masing.
Namun sebagai manusia kita diberi pilihan untuk memililih peran seperti apakah yang kau inginkan, peran yang baik atau yang buruk?
Tentu saja definisi baik dan buruk itu berbeda-beda setiap manusia tergantung bagaimana pengalaman dan pengetahuan membentuk definisi tersebut di benak masing-masing orang.
Namun bagi kebanyakan manusia masih tersesat dan bingung dalam menemukan perannya di dunia ini.
Menemukan peran yang pas dan tepat memang bukanlah pekerjaan yang mudah meskipun sebenarnya mudah saja mengetahui apakah kau sudah berada di posisi yang tepat atau belum, yaitu apakah kau merasa bahagia atau tidak dengan apa yang sedang kau kerjakan.
Dan setiap manusia memiliki waktu yang berbeda-beda untuk menemukan peran tersebut.
Sekarang pertanyaannya adalah apakah kau sudah menemukan peranmu di dunia ini?
Jawabanya ... Hanya kau yang tahu. Tanyakanlah kepada dirimu sendiri :-)

Bagiku menemukan peran yang tepat sama dengan kebahagiaan. Jadi aku berharap kalian menemukan kebahagiaan yang kalian cari.

Dear Boys

Sumber : Dagelan's Instagram

Mungkin budaya patriarki memang membuat lelaki seakan memiliki kewenangan dan keistimewaan dibandingkan perempuan. dan untuk itu lelaki seakan memberi kesan bahwa lelaki bisa dengan mudah atau gamblang menyatakan suka terhadap perempuan yang disukai/dicintainya.
Dan budaya itu pula yang menancapkan kesan bahwa tabu, memalukan, atau tidak baik bagi seorang perempuan untuk menyatakan cintanya terlebih dahulu kepada seorang lelaki. meskipun saat ini konsep feminisme dan emansipasi wanita mulai marak, tetapi kesan bahwa seorang perempuan yang menyatakan cintanya terlebih dahulu kepada lelaki yang disukai/dicintainya adalah perempuan yang gampang masih melekat di banyak benak masyarakat.
Berdasarkan pemaparan tersebut sebenarnya telah menjelaskan bagaimana rumit dan susahnya bagi perempuan untuk memperjuangkan dan menyatakan cintanya. Dengan stereotip bahwa perempuan seharusnya menunggu lelaki yang dicintainya, mencintai lelaki terlebih dahulu menjadi sebuah masalah tersendiri bagi seorang perempuan. oleh karena itu, apabila engkau wahai lelaki mengetahui bahwa ada perempuan yang mencintaimu, maka hargailah dan hormatilah dia. Karena dia memiliki dan mengambil jalan dan langkah yang besar bagi hidupnya. Dia harus mengarungi dan menghadapi stereotip dan cemoohan dari berbagai pihak bahkan dari batinnya sendiri hanya untuk memperjuangkanmu. Tanggapilah dia dengan serius dan pertimbangkan dia, karena belum tentu di masa depan kau mampu menemui seorang yang dengan tulus memperjuangkanmu tanpa memikirkan dan harus mengorbankan dirinya sendiri. Karena kita tidak pernah tahu masa depan, maka jangan pernah kau mempermainkan dia dan perasaannya. Jangan sampai kau berada di keadaan saat kau mulai jatuh cinta padanya dan menyadari segala pengorbanannya, tetapi semua itu telah terlambat. Perempuan itu telah berada di keadaan dimana dia tidak mampu memperjuangkanmu lagi dan telah menemukan seseorang yang bisa memperjuangkannya. Bagaimanapun juga, Allah telah menciptakan perempuan dari tulang rusuk seorang laki-laki karena dia butuh untuk diayomi, dilindungi, dan disayangi.
Dan apabila kau wahai lelaki telah memiliki perempuan di sisimu yang bersedia untuk mendampingi dan bersamamu maka hargailah dia dengan segala yang kau punya. Jadilah seorang lelaki yang bisa melindunginya karena sesungguhnya dia telah merelakan segala kebebasannya untukmu. Dan karena setiap perempuan pada dasarnya tidak jauh berbeda denganmu, mereka memiliki nafsu, hasrat, dan sebuah keinginan untuk menemukan lelaki yang sempurna untuknya, tetapi perempuan juga menyadari bahwa tidak ada satu pun lelaki di dunia yang sempurna. Sehingga apabila dia telah memilihmu berarti dia telah mempertimbangkan segala kekurangan dan kelebihanmu hingga memutuskan untuk menerimamu dan mempercayakan hidupnya kepadamu. Jadi jangan pernah jadikan seorang perempuan sebagai budak untuk memuaskan hawa nafsumu belaka, tapi hormati, kasihi, sayangi, dan lindungi dia.

The Owl - 5 Bahaya Begadang

jangan begadang Rekk!!

My Dream Book

I can't deny that I made this video for a contest but it also because I just want to express myself how much I wanna go to South Korea. And how important my dreams are for myself.
You can find this video on Youtube, my channel : Bibin Chan , with the title "My Dream Book"
I hope you guys enjoy, like, and inspire by it somehow. Thank You ♡